Thoughts on the last forever:

One of us will be the one who lives, one of us will be the one who dies. I cannot live with you inside me, but you will outlast me if I murder this body. You will go on to new hosts, to the brains of my loved ones, where you already have a hold. You will pull their brains out through their ears. Depression is a virus that spreads by suicide.

Dream:

The last few months. I burned and burned until there was only ashes, but the flames weren’t even very bright. My lover is exhausted, and how could I blame them. I revealed to them the way that our love dies. That it is impossible to carry forever a person whose heart is the weight of a house. I went on antidepressants and they made me want to die not only in abstract but also in fact. I bought a wig and pass now. I kissed a girl who I like very much. My lover and I will be strong, but they cannot carry me forever. I start art. I work. I hope that that is enough. The world burns. All art is pointless in the face of death. I hate most of my friends. I want to meet this girl again so we can kiss again. I want this other friendship that is taking shape to be a sustaining and immaculate thing. I want to love my work again. I want to burn for longer than a day. I still want to die. Just a little bit. Just because I am so tired. More later. I’m sorry.

Have You Been Saved?

Surely you’re joking. You must be joking. I hate you.