Pronoun today:

She/her

Changes noticed:

I’m trying growing out my leg hair for a bit just to see what it’s like now. How much thinner it is. It’s a fair bit thinner. Recently I’ve been really heavily fantasizing about having children. Who knows where that’s coming from.

Money Spent on Transition Expenses:

I’m really considering spending like $100 on wigs. But I should save that money for the car. But I really want the wigs. Since I last was on here, I spent 23 more dollars on hormones.

# of Times Correctly Gendered + Comments:

0, didn’t leave the house. In the last few weeks, notably, once by another co-worker, which was nice.

Dream:

I remember pissing in the dream (competition? My sister was there? A school building that was an experimental jail?), then waking up and moving my leg and touching my phone with my knee, and it was cold, and I thought I must have pissed the bed. But I didn’t.

People I Talked to Today:

Naia, 6 people at rehearsal, no one else

People I Actually Communicated With Today:

Naia, but only a little really.

What Have You Done to Become Better Today?

NOTHING. Started recommitting to this I guess, but I still hate myself.

Other Comments:

I’ve been fantasizing about a quiet life. I’ve been fantasizing about having a house and a couple of kids and maybe getting married and not really doing anything. I’ve been fantasizing about love. And having that be enough for me. But it wouldn’t. If I’m not creating I am nobody. I’ve learned that again in the absence of this project in the last few whatevers. No looking back. I hate everything. I hate everything. I hate you. I hate myself. I hate. I love some music, though. There’s some beautiful music that some people have made.

Have You Been Saved?

Fuck no