Pronoun today:

She/her

Thoughts on the last few days:

I got another laser appointment. Got a big paycheck and spent most of it. I spent 100 on lasers, 15 on estrogen, 200 on a new laptop because the old one’s screen got cracked to shit, 400 on rent, 130 on debts I owe to Josh, 100 on a monthly train pass (I’m getting this re-payed by Swarthmore, but still). It’s an intimidating quantity of money. My little stubble is growing out again. After each laser appointment, the next few days I have unshaveable stubble, the roots of the dead hairs that are growing out. Not a single person at the lesbian wedding I worked at today thought twice about misgendering me, even though I was wearing breast forms and my pronoun necklace. I hate this stage in the lasers. I’m worried I’ll need electrolysis as well, but probably only on the upper lip. So it won’t be too expensive. Feeling at sea today. Contacted another person on OkCupid. Someday I’ll meet someone in real life. I hope. Very bored today. I feel like the last few weeks I’ve been very bored when I haven’t been doing anything. I can’t think to fill my time with anything meaningful. But the time is there. So I look at the same websites over and over because all I remember is how to type their addresses. And then another person appears and I have dinner and talk and make out or talk and maturely decide not to make out even though we could or go to a strange loose play in a beautiful wooden warehouse with a cardboard proscenium flanked by cardboard devil puppets. And life works. And then I’m alone. And it doesn’t. Naia, come back.

Dream:

Sparrows

Have You Been Saved?

No