Pronoun today:

She/her

Thoughts on the last few days:

Work today, work yesterday. I’m only vaguely out to my co-workers. I work so many places with so many different rotating people that I’ve never really been able to have a moment when I, like, came out to the office. People kind of generally know something’s going on, but I’ve only ever been correctly gendered two in my hearing, by two people at FringeArts. There’s one other trans person who does my job (I do electrics and carpentry work for theaters, on a freelance basis, so I have no job security, but a lot of flexibility). He works for a couple of the same places I do, a guy who passes so well it’s a work of art, and I didn’t have any clue he was trans until he told me. He correctly gendered me today, and it meant a lot to hear. A trans woman was murdered in North Philadelphia this morning. Kiesha Jenkins. I don’t know what to do. I am very very scared. This is the second hate crime murder against a trans woman of color in Philadelphia this year, 21st in the country (double last year and the year before). I’m white so I’ll survive, but that is scant comfort. My friend is being a dick about it on Facebook. I don’t want to die. But the only thing I was thinking about when I was at work reading about it was how much I wanted to get home so I could shave and put on a dress and be as femme as possible. I just wanted to disappear into womanhood.

Dream:

I’ve forgotten. I remember not enjoying it.

Have You Been Saved?

No